The Greek philosopher Aristotle wrote that happiness is a “good life and good action”. Happiness, he writes, “comes as a result of virtue and some process of learning or training.”
Is this true?
Qualities of Happiness You can Implement Today
Dan Baker, who wrote What Happy People Know, seems to agree. According to Baker, happiness comes as a by-product of “indispensable qualities”, including love, optimism, courage, a sense of freedom, proactivity, security, health, spirituality, altruism, perspective, humor, and purpose. He writes, “Not all of these qualities must be present for happiness to exist, and they don’t have to be there in equal amounts. Most of them must be abundant, though, for someone to experience the kind of lasting, rock-solid happiness that endures even when life gets tough to take – as it always does, sooner or later.”
You and I both know people in our life that are so happy even though their life is full of challenges. Aristotle says that this shows “nobility and greatness of soul,” and I definitely agree with this. Cultivating gratitude and appreciation for the things in life seem to be deeply intertwined with this. Those that find happiness despite the challenges recognize all the things to be grateful for – and focus there.
Let’s take a look at the 12 qualities listed above. Those qualities give me hope that happiness is something that can be cultivated, no matter our outside circumstances. Let’s take a brief look at each one.
Love
No matter what is going on around us, we can cultivate love. And love brings happiness. This can be on a micro level (I love my son!) or on a macro level (I love people!) but it must be heartfelt and sincere. How do you cultivate this love? Cultivate gratitude for the people you interact with everyday. Gift compassion to the people that do things differently than you. Give them all the benefit of the doubt, and you will find more happiness.
Does this mean ignoring all the things that need changing in this world? Absolutely not. But let’s be real. People filled with love have much more power to change a heart than one full of hate.
Optimism
“Optimism is realizing that the more painful the event, the more profound the lesson.” (Baker, What Happy People Know) Yup, that’s right. Optimism is not wearing rose colored glasses that only shows the rosy and good and ignores all the pain. Nope. Optimism includes seeing the pain, feeling the pain, learning from the pain, and moving forward with optimism because now we know better and can, therefore, do better and be better.
Have you ever heard anybody say, “I wouldn’t change a thing because of the lessons I’ve learned from that experience.” That’s the optimism we’re talking about. The future is bright because they have learned and become better from their hard moments. Is this easy? Certainly not. But by grace, it can be done.
Courage
I love to think in terms of Aristotle’s golden mean when I think about courage. Certainly, there is an appropriate balance here, with both extremes manifesting as vices and the balance manifesting as a virtue – not too much and not too little.
On one end is cowardice, and certainly it is an unhappy way to live to be afraid to live. Taking risks is a necessary part of the pursuit of happiness. Putting yourself out on a limb helps you reach farther than you could otherwise.
Excess, the other extreme on the courage continuum, looks like foolish risk-taking. Maybe it’s goal is a thrill – an excitement that may play as happiness but it is so very fleeting. Maybe it’s an avoidance technique when life gets hard – which again, is fleeting. These risk-takers may be seeking happiness, but they are not going to find lasting happiness. Seems to me they’d always be looking for the next thrill for the illusion of happiness.
In the middle is true courage. The kind of courage that knows that doing the right next hard thing produces a self validation that you can do hard things, a sense of accomplishment and knowledge that leads to happiness.
Our reptilian brain, the amygdala center, leads by emotion and this includes fear. Courage combats this limitation, helping us to move past the painful, the scary and the hard and moves us to do the right next thing for our own growth and progress.
A sense of freedom
Human beings value the ability to choose for themselves so very much. When that is taken away, it is hard to find happiness. If you feel in a position that you feel stuck, realize that happiness is still possible – pull in those other happiness qualities to help you. Add gratitude and appreciation, be optimistic about life and that all the hard things in life will help you in the end, and find the courage to take your right next step.
Now, notice that this says a “sense” of freedom. Many people feel stuck even when they actually are not. In that case, recognizing all the things that are in their control can help people break out of this and find the courage to do what is in their control.
Proactivity
Being proactive means you are doing something to make your life better instead of waiting for someone else to do it for you. There is so much power in owning your life! I know – there are so many aspects of our life out of our control. It feels like in this post-covid 2020 world, there’s even less control over our own life, and many of us are reeling from how fast the world can change.
But just think and reflect for a moment. What is in your control? Focus there. Be proactive. Be the change you wish to see in the world. It will make you happier.
Security
This kind of security isn’t financial security or health security or anything else out of your control. This is simply liking who you are and trusting yourself. Not always the easiest thing, right? But worth working toward.
Health
Sometimes, this is out of our control. But again, both owning what we can own and giving away what we can’t come into play here. I like to think of it this way: I want to stack all the cards in my favor (as in, put the tools into my life that bring a healthy life) and then if health problems happen, I know I did all I could. This gives me peace.
Specifically relevant to health and happiness, though, are the chemicals in the brain that give us the feeling of happiness. If dopamine and serotonin are imbalanced, for example, you really may be doing the things to make you happy – but you’re having a hard time feeling it. If it were me with the imbalance, I would seek natural ways to try to heal this imbalance, like adding more turmeric into my life. But you know you best. If you feel like this imbalance describes you, seek the help you need.
Spirituality
Spirituality brings happiness! I think this goes right along with Aristotle’s definition of happiness. If happiness “comes as a result of virtue and some process of learning or training,” spirituality goes hand in hand with this, since spiritual people usually hold themselves to a high moral law. Plus, a perspective that comes from a spiritual view of the world helps lessen the guilt from past mistakes (it is possible to move past them) and even the fear of death (because death is not the end).
Altruism
Altruism indicates a selfless desire to serve and help others – even if it benefits us not at all. How does this add to happiness? A 2016 study showed that “giving ultimately had greater brain benefits than receiving”. The brains of those helping others show less stress-related activity in the brain and greater reward-related activity. Both add to the chemical happiness of our brain.
Perspective
“Keep it in perspective.” That’s what we say to ourselves and others when views need to be expanded to see the whole picture. Absolutes, like “always” or “never” can be a wake up call in our thoughts, because most often, absolutes are simply not true. If you hear yourself stating an absolute (i.e. “I always have to do this myself”), rephrase it in the here and now, the true and specific (i.e. “Right now, I am cleaning the dishes again and it is discouraging because I don’t often have help”). You know what this does? Shifts the brain back into the present where it can deal with the problem. If it is always or never the way you want, it can feel hopeless. But when you bring it to the present, it automatically shifts to something in your control – giving you a sense of freedom – and then you can be proactive – asking for help, for example. Isn’t it interesting how these things are all related?
Humor
A good belly laugh is oh so good for our health! Laughing lowers the blood pressure and raises the levels of happiness hormone. Do it!
(And by the way, if you don’t feel like laughing, force a smile. Interestingly enough, multiple studies show that even people who held a pencil in their mouth, forcing their mouths to move upward in a smile experienced less stressful brain chemistry than those with a neutral face expression. I guess you should ‘grin and bear it’ so you can ‘fake it til you make it’!)
Purpose
Living a life of purpose obviously brings contentment and happiness. It combines proactivity, optimism, courage, altruism and, if done right, it certainly includes love. What a great recipe for happiness! For more on life purpose, follow this link to read another blog post on different types of life purpose.
What’s your take-away?
Aristotle says happiness is one of the highest virtues because we seek it for its own sake and not for any other result that comes from it. He also argues that it is for the sake of gaining happiness that we do all that we do.
What are you doing to gain happiness in your life?
Would you like to cultivate some happiness at home? Sign up for my free class on using time together to create a cohesive family. It was my humble gift to world during shutdown.
